Kajiado father defies culture as he turns down dowry offers to keep teen daughter in school

In a society where teenage girls, more so those who get impregnated while in school are viewed with the prism of livestock among other material wealth, a 65-year-old man has set his village in murmurs for rejecting lucrative dowry offers from various men asking for his 15-year-old daughter’s hand in marriage.

The story of Mzee Montoka and his daughter Esther Pilanoi, a teen mother, at Olekimunke village in Kajiado West is one that does not only indicate a possible change in retrogressive cultural practices, but also reflects determination of a man who, despite economic challenges, chooses to look at life with a different lens - away from that of restocking his livestock that has been wiped out by drought, to ensure his daughter scales the heights of education.

Pilanoi’s story of another chance, where such chances are rare, shines a glimpse of light with a promise of a living hope and a possible change in communities’ oppressive cultural practices.

65-year-old Mzee Motonka Kipas, a father of 12 and a retired watchman in Nairobi, is the talk of Olekimunke village. Biting the bullets for his daughter, a teen mother, has not been a walk in the park; but his wife is a happy soul, a rare support from a father and a husband. While a majority of men in the community are wild, he is gentle and chooses the best for his children, with the latest unusual gesture for his Grade 8 daughter.

“The community views me as weak and under a woman’s control because of my hard stance to have my daughter go back to school once her baby starts weaning. It is true that I turned down dowry offers, two old men came at different times to ask for my daughter’s hand in marriage when she was pregnant and after giving birth,” Mzee Montoka says.

“I lost all my livestock during the harsh drought, restocking using this little girl’s future might not help much. What if I restock and we have another drought come and the past repeats itself, will I have her back? In my community when a school going girl gets a baby, it is said that she has ‘broken a pen’ and another chance to study is a NO. I choose a contrary path for her, she is very bright, she always tops her class.”

Even though Mzee Montoka’s memory is still weighed with the ordeal of the entire pregnancy and delivery journey of the15-year-old girl, his conscience remains crystal clear, Pilanoi is a school girl and is not ready for marriage.

Esther Pilanoi meets us with her little baby. She discovered she was expectant at three months and almost terminated the pregnancy. But Ms. Brenda Nelima, her class teacher, rallied around her and encouraged her to not only walk the pregnancy journey but also stay in school until her due date. She did both, walking long distances and covering long hours of class work; however, she had to give up at some point.

“The pregnancy journey wasn't smooth for her, she had to walk 12km in the morning and 12km in the evening. It reached a point when we told her to stay home but we could send her revision materials so that she is at par with others,” Ms. Nelima says.

Pianoi’s pregnancy was a lot to bear as her small body hadn’t quite matured enough to carry a baby, nor handle the hormonal changes that it brought. Despite that, the little girl, soon-to-be mum, was resilient; keeping a strong face, determined to stay in school for as long as she could.

“My parents knew of my status when I was six months into the pregnancy. My body was overwhelmed and performing even the easiest of tasks became nearly impossible for me. I had no option but humble myself even when I was anxious and afraid that my dad would not tolerate me,” she recalls.

Teen pregnancies in Kenya remains a big hinderance to girls’ education, with many of those affected cutting short their schooling journeys.

Although there exists a school re-entry policy by the Ministry of Education, not many schools and communities know or abide by them. A March 2025 report by Zizi Afrique Foundation on the performance of school re-entry for adolescent mothers, and barriers to their academic dreams when pregnant and after giving birth, indicates that male parents, school principals and teachers often fail to support the teen moms when they seek to rejoin school.

According to Dr. Mary Chepkemoi, gender team lead at Zizi Afrique Foundation; “One of the glaring things that we really got to understand is that not many learners and even the implementers themselves are aware (of the re-entry policy). The guideline is very explicit, it shows the role of the parent, the teacher, and the girl in ensuring that she gets back to school and is able to settle.”

Pilanoi’s father and her family’s support points to a small but emerging direction that could just ensure that more girls continue with their education even after childbirth, especially when they get solid support system.

Bernard Chege, the headteacher at Olekimunke Primary School, welcomes Pilanoi’s parents’ determination to have her back in school.

“The parents are willing to bring her back to school, we shall re-absorb her but before that we have to sit down with her and her parents and discuss how they should handle her to make studying easy for her,” he says.

Dr. Chepkemoi emphasizes that the impetus to go back to school must come from the girl, and upon the girl getting to school she needs an environment that is welcoming and warm. And so, in the school environment, teachers come in as the key people who can welcome the girl and make her feel a part of the school.

Sexual violations, new age parenting, cultural norms, poverty and general acquired characters of children are some of the factors that have been blamed for early parenthood. However, emphasis is made that it should not be reason enough to deny an individual willing to go back to class an opportunity to create a better future.

Pilanoi’s mother, Leah Kotikash, has promised to look after her grandchild when her daughter goes back to Grade 8 to continue her studies.

“I am giving her time to breast feed for six months then I will take over and have Esther go back to school,” she says.

This even as Mr. Chege, headteacher at the Olekimunke Primary School, opens a blank check for the community to have dropout children return to school.

“First of all, those who got their kids and they are not married, I welcome them to this school. Also, those who are married and would like to come back, I also welcome them,” he states.

It may be loosely said that a father’s presence in a child’s life brings a sense of security, stability and confidence. This is evident in Esther Pilanoi’s case, as she promises to take head-on an uphill task of being a schooling parent.

Olekimunke village continues to gaze at that which to them looks like an abomination in the community. This as Mzee Montoka banks on his unwavering faith for his daughter’s studies, while Pilanoi remains focused on grabbing this second chance of education with utmost seriousness and hope for fulfilling her dreams of becoming a medical doctor.