Hopes not lost for matrimony; But why do other people keep off marriage?

But what is marriage really?  Is it a choice or a trap? Is it freedom or just another cage in disguise?

To some, marriage marks a transition into a new phase of life. Some, as a gateway from their problems, including debts or life’s necessities.

Some as a shield from and some, as the pure water that will quench their thirst for companionship in this cold, lonesome world.

Still, marriage is more than what meets the eye. For some, it is a lamp covered with a clock of darkness. For others - a bed of roses - only concealing its thorns once you lie on it.

Ironically, many young bachelors are busy giving marriage advice to married couples when they’ve never stepped into that phase themselves.

Enoch, a 31-year-old bachelor, ponders on the idea that marriage is a commitment between two people who have agreed to live together with their imperfections and strengths to build a family.

“They must have a common mission and vision,” he says, “I still believe in marriage, and I advocate for it wholly. I also acknowledge that gender roles have been to some extent influenced by the economic situations that make men feel less empowered than women who have more resources.”

Enoch believes that marriage can work if both men and women are trained in matters of femininity and masculinity from an early age. He also states that many young people view marriage as an option rather than a sacred commitment. 

“Marriage is sacred. It should be approached with dignity and respect,” he says. “With more important priorities, marriage is just a phase that you choose as one of the final things you do on earth. Yet more still perceive marriage as an inconvenience.”

While Enoch is amongst the few in this age and time to still dare to dream and believe in the good side of marriage, maybe even settle down, 22 -year -old Lewis opts not to settle for it despite his respect and understanding.

“Marriage is no longer the sacred bond it was once believed to be. I’ve seen enough chaos, heartbreak, and betrayal in modern relationships to make a conscious decision I’m not walking that path,” he says.

He argues that infidelity has become normalised that being faithful almost feels like a myth.

“It’s sad how many people get into marriage just to cheat, lie, or emotionally damage the very person they vowed to love,” he adds. “The idea of giving my heart fully, only to be hurt by someone who lacks loyalty, doesn’t sit right with me.”

Instead of starting a biological family, Lewis says that he would rather adopt children.

“Giving love to those who truly need it, kids who crave hope, stability, care, and genuine affection, feels more fulfilling than chasing ‘forever’ with someone who might not even mean their vows,” he says.  

Lewis has chosen celibacy not out of bitterness, but out of peace.

“I’d rather build myself spiritually and financially. I want to focus on my future career, personal growth, purpose, and becoming the best version of myself without emotional distractions that may derail me through marriage.”

Abuk, a young woman who opted to settle for a quiet life in marriage, offers a contrasting perspective.

She is among the few who feel that marriage is a sanctuary of peace and continuity of life under the leadership and companionship of the masculine energy.

“To be honest, people have different perspectives about marriage. As for me, I thought it was something else that requires you to be someone else, but I've come to realise that it's a normal life,” Abuk says.

“I mean like the one we've lived, just that it's only the title that changes, being called a wife and mom and nothing else.”

From her experience, marriage is not a factor meant to hinder one from doing what we want to do with our lives; it only adds more responsibilities, not restrictions.

“The thing is, marriage makes you more responsible, that's the only thing I have observed. You know, when you're single, what most of us care about is ourselves, especially for those who are staying with their parents,” she explains.

She adds that effective time management helps balance normal life with the added responsibilities.

“I thought my marriage was going to be hard, I mean maybe there could be misunderstandings, but to my surprise, no misunderstanding is permanent or hard to solve,” she concludes.

However, from a millennial perspective, marriage is a double-edged sword.

Washington Munene, 42, a Kenyan lawyer and author, married for over two decades and blessed with two children, believes that marriage only works when two people are committed to it.

“Marriage is a commitment. It only works when two people are committed to it, not one person.” Munene.

He explains how marriage requires more than just love and emotions to withstand the temptations of time and all the obstacles thrown in its path.

“It takes more than just feelings to wake up in the same bed with the same face for the rest of your life till death do you part, to stick by the vows you swore on the altar of your own accord.”

Munene further explains how the church has failed in instilling values into its children, but has also become the house of lies, shielding liars and corrupt morals under a gown of deception, an epitome of hypocrisy.  “The Church has failed us,” he says.

“And I can’t help but find some truth in his words, with leaders cloaking their twisted morals, they fail to instil true values into the youth, hence many succumbing to the stigma revolving around marriage.”

He also cites technology as a major contributor to the breakup of families in so many places. With uncontrolled screen time, many couples have drifted apart, even in marriage, creating a social barrier between them.

“Marriage used to be a sacred thing; maybe it still is. But it has been reduced to a joke as more people marry for selfish reasons only to end up divorcing after a few years, as if the sacred vows they made at the altar were nothing but worthless promises to be thoughtlessly broken,” Munene says.

According to Munene, divorce and broken marriages are normalised that they almost stand on par with amusement, a joke.”

Marriage is not a punishment to those who think they will be restrained by it. Marriage is not a prison for those who fear losing their freedom. Marriage is a choice and a commitment. It is not just a promise at the altar, but a daily choice even when it’s hard.